Still a Freak and a Geek at 34

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Reminder: Adults don’t have their shit together either.

I’m (very) late to the party but I finally got around to watch Freaks and Geeks and it’s just as amazing as everybody said it was. Isn’t it great when things actually live up to the hype? Unlike so many shows about high school, the characters are three-dimensional, fully realized humans. It’s deeply heartfelt and funny. It also reminds you how terrible, confusing and occasionally wonderful high school was. This is not a review of Freaks and Geeks. For that, you can read the always on-point critiques of the AV Club.

This post is about the wandering part of Wandering Professional. I’m still trying to figure out my place in the world, just as I was in high school. I’m a little tougher and wiser, but still pretty lost. I’m still attempting to love myself in a world that tells me I should be less sensitive, talk less, weigh less, expect less from my boyfriend, work for less pay than my male colleagues. Sometimes it feels that I’m already too much before I’ve really shown myself to anyone.

As an adult, one of the many things we’re negotiating is what to change about ourselves and what we should accept. I know I’d like to change: be a better writer, friend, and girlfriend. Eat slower and healthier. The hard part is the self-acceptance.

Before I love myself,  I need to learn to be at peace with myself first. So many of us want to get to loving ourselves without taking the first step of self-acceptance, which is like building a house without building a foundation.

Often, people will say things like “humans are a work-in-progress,” but I don’t fully buy that. Eventually, work is finished. As humans, we grow until we die. The sad truth is that most of us don’t get around to the enlightenment and self-actualization that seems to be the ideal of so much of the self-help and religious movements. We die beautiful, but unfinished works of art.

 

 

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